Novelty - First Baptist Bar And Grill

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Date: 10/14/98; 8:26:51 PM
From: reding 
Subject: First Baptist Bar and Grill by Tim Wilson

First Baptist Bar and Grill
Written and Performed by Tim Wilson
On the album "Low-Class Love Affair" (1995)
Southern Track Records


          A
Well, the church burned down and no one knew
     D
what Penecost Baptist was gonna do 
    A
the Sunday brimstom got so dadgum hot
          E
in burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot

      ...continue same chord progression



In a panick the reverend Dr. White
       
called up an ex-member than hadn't lived right

he owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence

it's the same Joe's he'd preached against


he said I don't really want to be a hipocrit

I got a Sunday school class that's about to shit

we're all excited about revival week

and moved by the spirit so to speak


with all the souls we saved and the money we spent

we thought God told us to sell that tent

I got a famous evangilist supposed to come

and done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?


Joe says hell you can just use the whole dang place

A9 on the jukebox "Amazing Grace"

I ain't supposed to open because of them blue laws

but we'll open tonight if it's allright with y'all


Preacher said well I reckon that'd be OK

the good Lord works in mysterious ways

I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth

and I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth


Chorus

A                    D       A
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill

A                                           E
it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still

A
when the sinners finish one more round

C
we'll have dinner on the ground

A                       E                 A
and go inside and hell, pray we don't get killed


Key Change (move all chords up 1/2 step; A#, C#, and D#)


The evangilist came with a well-dressed choir

they showed up around happy hour

looked around the joint and didn't take it real well

said the White ministry has gone to hell


Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school

and two deacons in the back room shootin' pool

were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep

who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps


Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke

to a tall, drunk trucker about to puke

he had John 3:16 memorized 

tryin' to dried him out to get him baptised


the evangilist yelled about the lights and the beer

said White you can't save any souls in here

this place ain't nothin' but a den of sin

ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in


Preacher said well we don't really need y'all here

You didn't do a very good job last year

Only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire 

and he's the little son of a bitch that set my church on fire


Joe's beer joint has done been revived

Only been here an hour and I done saved five.

Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor

but I finally found the flock God called me for.


Chorus

At the First Baptist Bar and Grill

it's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still

not a stained glass window anywhere in site,

just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,

and the communion wine in here is always chilled.

Ending

We're here every Sunday;  We're livin' large;
  
We're the only church with a cover charge.


And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout,

we'll have our bouncer throw your butt out ...

of the First Baptist Bar and Grill

Whatever!
-------------------
  
Keith Reding
St. Louis, MO
reding@cwix.com